Losing Me, Losing You
by PK Fire
Summary: Sometimes all you can do is let go.


Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.  
Author's Note: Just so you don't get confused, Nisemono is the name given to the Riku Replica in the Japanese version of Chain of Memories.  
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"Nisemono."

It took the silver-haired replica a moment to realize Naminé was addressing him. She was using his name, his** real** name, the name he had given himself before everything went to hell.

He looked at her and couldn't help but feel an ache in his chest. The memories of the blond girl's actions were still fresh in his mind, but his heart was ready to forgive her. He wondered how he would live with that paradox.

He couldn't. So he looked away.

Naminé's voice was pleading now. "Nisemono. Say **something**."

"What we had...was it all a lie?" Nisemono seemed to be talking as much to himself as to her. "Did I..."

He trailed off, but Naminé knew what he was asking. _Did I ever mean anything to you?_

_Yes, yes, a thousand times **yes**._ Naminé doubted she could ever fully express how much he meant to her.

Naminé had always believed that she didn't have a future. As a witch who altered people's memories of the past, that was where she must stay—in the past.

Being with Nisemono made her forget all that. He protected her and comforted her and stood up for her. He was the first person who made her feel like she had a future, a future with **him**.

Naminé wanted to be as good to Nisemono as he had been to her. She wanted to give him a future, show him happiness, keep him safe. But most of all…

Most of all, she wanted to repent. Naminé wanted to prove that she wasn't a bad person, and that she could stay by his side and take care of him—not out of pity or guilt, but of her own uninfluenced choice.

Naminé didn't have the heart to tell him what she wanted. She didn't have a heart, **period**.

But Nisemono made her feel like she did. And so, acting on the heart she didn't have, Naminé reached into her pocket and pulled out a drawing, not looking at it as she held it out to him.

Nisemono took it silently. The picture showed Naminé and himself sitting on a hill under a clear night sky, staring at a full yellow moon so big it filled up half of the page. They were holding hands. The words "I wish" were written over the moon in barely illegible script.

Nisemono blinked. He looked over at Naminé, who had now taken an intense interest in the floor. Her eyes were shadowed by bleach blond bangs, her face revealing nothing.

The replica turned his focus back to the picture. He didn't get it. What was she trying to say? What if Naminé wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her? Or what if she used to want to be with him, but not anymore?

The two of them had always made do with what they had and asked for nothing more, but Nisemono had often wondered what things would be like if they could leave the castle and start new lives, without the Organization breathing down their necks. A list of 'what ifs' began to write itself in his heart. Every possibility, every road not taken…all of them were soft and coldly beautiful, like moonlight. Nisemono realized then that he'd never seen the moon for real, and he probably never would.

He put the picture in his pocket. Taking a deep breath, the replica made her way towards Naminé, stopping when he was right in front of her and slipping his hand into hers.

"I wish this could happen too. But…" Nisemono shook his head sadly, his silver locks fluttering. In her mind's eye Naminé saw her dreams fall away like so many butterflies. "Naminé…what I am, and what you are…it won't work. It never could.."

Naminé looked up at him finally, smiling miserably. Nisemono winced. He hated seeing that expression on her. It made her look broken, like a dog that'd been kicked one too many times and now refused to come anywhere near humans. "It's because I'm nobody, isn't it? Because I'm…a mistake?"

Nisemono sighed. "No, Naminé, that's not it at all. I care about you a lot, but I can't…I have nothing to offer you."

"Don't say that!" she begged him. "You're a good person; I know you are! If this has anything to do what I've done-"

"This has nothing to do with you've done; it has to do with me, and who I am," the replica explained gently. "I'm sorry, Nami, I really am. But I've got nothing left to give."

Naminé looked into Nisemono's eyes, looked hard. And she saw the truth in his words. She realized then that if she let him go now, she would never see him again.

"You're going to fight him, aren't you?" It was a statement, not a question. "You're going to fight Riku and you…you…you can't **really** be intending to…"

Quieting Naminé with a simple kiss to the cheek was all Nisemono could do to ease her fears; it was his unspoken promise that everything would work itself out in the end. "You deserve someone who can give you everything you need, and I can't do that. Let me go, Naminé. Please."

At length, Naminé looked up, and he was surprised to find her smiling at him—really **truly **smiling at him, even through the tears that dimmed the glow of her ice blue eyes. Right then, Nisemono knew he'd finally gained something that was all his, and not Riku's. And as long as he had that, as long as he knew Naminé could still smile, he could leave this miserable existence in peace. Nisemono flashed the blond girl a smile of his own, before turning around and walking out the door.

He never looked back. Naminé didn't watch him go either. For all intents and purposes, he was already dead.

But she could still save him in a way. Nisemono would live on as long as she did, as long as she kept him always in her memories and in the heart she didn't have.

And she would. Naminé would always remember the boy who still cared for her—still **loved** her—even after the truth of his love was revealed.


End file.
